Everything I Have And Everything I Am

My Big But...

2011-05-17T12:31:00.000-05:00

(this is another copied blog post from my old blog, but one that really explains who I am and where I am going with my life, This was originally written January 31, 2011)

I got this idea from here

I just found this blog, but am already loving it!

For years I made excuses, yes, but... I'll do this, but.. Not yet, but.. No but!

But, But, But

I was dwelling in my own insecurities over a possible failed marriage, the realization that I had failed as a parent and the fact that I was turning to the world to feed my insecurities.

I was reeling.. I'm not going to give details, but... (there's no reason to give the details) I was sulking, and sulking big time... I was on the biggest pity party one could imagine. I had been wronged, and I wanted everyone to know it. The one person of all, the one that hurt me the most, my husband, was the one I lashed out at the most. I hurt him so much during this time. I know I did. All because I was saying, But God....

Let me back up a few years

I knew exactly what God wanted me to do. I was seeking, I was seeking hard for the answer. I had started going to church a few years before that because I was so empty inside and I wanted anything to fill the void. I found a lot in church, however, I never felt fulfilled 100%.

I kept seeking.

Fast forward... the depression got worse, the anxiety got worse, I dove into work and my youngest son. I poured myself into both of them. Heart and soul. I gave them everything I had. I was still seeking. For anything still.

Still finding nothing, I knew still that the questions were the same, yes God, but...

It wasn't until David went to college and I was forced to medically retire and I was left with nothing but myself, and God, (isn't HE funny that way!) that I began to really realize, exactly what He had been trying to tell me all those years. That the Yes Buts would get me no where!

Until I fully submitted myself to His awesome and incredible power and grace, that the things and feelings that I was having were going to keep cycling and going on in my head. I would never get to that point of eternal peace, that I wanted so bad!

I had to be broken. God had to literally break my heart to mend my heart! But isn't He so amazing that He has the power to heal our broken hearts!

The life I knew, the pity party, the But God's were over...

I had a new heart and a new life. I was always a Christian, I just didn't know how to LIVE as a Christian. I'm still not there, and I have my faults don't get me wrong. The arguing with God is over. I know He will heal whatever it is that comes my way.

I'm so thankful God broke me to mend me...

The word But is no longer in my vocabulary when it comes to dealing with God!

Everything I have and Everything I am.

2011-05-16T22:18:00.000-05:00

Originally posted January 21, 2008, but now, that I am finally able to bring myself to a closer walk with God, I can admit that I wasn't able to do this back then. So now, I will start. I have given this over to God, because only HE can do this and show me what to write to glorify Him.

I want to make these words not be a stumbling block to someone else, and I want them to honor God, honor my church, honor my family and honor myself.

I have for too long, "played" at being a "Good Church Girl" as Angela Thomas calls it and while I am a Good church girl, I want to be more than a "Good Church Girl"
I want to be a Good "GODLY" Girl. I want everything that I do. Everything that I am. To honor Him.

So I start, this journey.... with a spirit of humility.... so that HE can speak through me.

(Original Post January 21, 2008)
Today I start to journal my life.

I listened to our pastor yesterday and he said some things that really felt like he was preaching just to me. "LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING, BUT TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART" Not just with what you want him to have, but everything you have and everything that you are.

My life has been filled with turmoil and drama and I'm actively trying to change that for the better and accept life as "it is what it is" and what God gives me to handle is just that.

However, you have to trust God. Trust God with blind faith. And just believing and just being a Christian doesn't do that.

I've realized that I don't have that blind trust in God. So, my test to myself is to put that blind trust in God with everything I have and everything that I am.

Will it happen overnight? I hope. But I doubt it, because the whole time that I'm trying to give up my "thought of control" and have that trust, I'm going to be tested and tempted and tried by Satan himself.

The things I will encounter, will be Satan giving me the thoughts to not have that blind faith and trust.

So I am from this day forward going to trust that God will take me through everything and no matter what, he will never let me down.

Bible Study(s)/Women's Ministry/Staff

2011-05-16T21:55:00.000-05:00

As we come to an end of Women's Tuesday Bible Study, Jesus The One and Only, we are going into the summer season! Baseball, vacations, more baseball(!), school is ending, kids schedules are relaxing, family schedules are starting to get busy for summer, etc...

We find ourselves in that in between period of not having an organized Bible Study.

The women's Bible study does intend to come back on
Tuesday, August 9th
with our Pastor, Ronald Cantrell, teaching us in a
4 week Bible Study.
Brother Ronald has been praying about this and has been working on this and please check back for the announcement of the subject at a later date!
The study will be on
August 9th
August 16th
August 23rd
August 30th

Then the women's Bible study will skip one week and come back on Tuesday, September 13th with Beth Moore's Study "Daniel" Lives of Integrity - Words of Prophecy.

Daniel: Lives of Integrity, Words of Prophecy by Beth Moore is a women's Bible study on the book of Daniel and shows how individuals can live with integrity in today's self-absorbed society. Join Beth in a faith-building study of prophecy and learn how to shine for Christ in our modern culture. Just as the prophet Daniel faced unbelievable pressures—to compromise his faith, to live in a hostile culture, and to confront temptations and threats—today's believers face many of the same trials.

This 12-session Old Testament Bible study falls in two parts and can be used as one or two separate studies. The first portion, from Daniel chapters 1-6, deals with Daniel's life as he faced the kind of pressures and temptations Christians encounter today. Daniel models how to develop enduring integrity in an enticing world. The second portion, chapters 7-12, explores thrilling prophecies from the time of Daniel through the second coming of Christ.

Mark your Calendars! You've been given Three months notice for these new Bible Study(s) and will receive
updates once a month on it!

We look forward to having you there!

This Bible Study is open to anyone and daycare is available!

If there are any small group Bible study(s) that are open to anyone please comment here and let us know, so that we can let the church know. There are some that are wanting that accountability and that connectivity of
a continued organized Bible Study and the fellowship

with other Christian women.

Please continue to keep our Women's Ministry in your prayers.

Our Church Staff and their wives and their families.
They are such precious people to our church and we are so blessed to have

the staff that we have!